Flower Shop

I AM SO SO SO EXCITED

FOR EVERYTHING THAT IS TO COME:

- Going out tonight

- Going home

- Roadtrip with the fam this weekend

- Sophomore Summer

- India in the winter

- Roadtripping up to school with my new car

- Having a car senior year

Starting a list.

AD

Zete

Phi Delt

you say you love me

and then you disappear for a week.

awesome. i need a hug right about now.

Late Night Restlessness

I’m scared.

But I guess that’s all of us.

We’re all scared of something in our lives.

I’m scared of my three finals coming up this weekend, the fact that I have to face the guy who tried to kiss me in 10 days, coming back to school in less than a month, graduating in two years, going off to the “real world” or perhaps going to grad school or law school or just bumming around in my parents’ house, getting married, having kids, growing old, dying.

But I’m just getting ahead of myself. After all, right now, it’s only 1AM on a Wednesday in May. I have three days before finals, and so much more than that amount of time for everything else.

So why am I scared?

I guess… I’m lonely.

All these fears seem so much more terrifying when I realize that I’m facing them by myself.

I miss having someone holding me while I sleep. I miss having someone kiss my forehead drowsily. I miss having someone I can always have meals with. I miss having someone I can always depend on. I miss having someone whom I trust and can talk to. I miss having complete and utter security and dependence. I miss feeling the opposite of loneliness.

All these thoughts keep on plaguing my head, and I can feel it eating me up whenever I catch a break in my schedule. I can’t focus. I can’t concentrate. I can’t study nor do any work. I keep on thinking about how lonely I am. I feel nauseous. I feel sick. Even if I am surrounded by friends, even if I have someone who loves me - I feel so alone.

I feel like my existence is not enough. It seems as if I constantly need people around me to feel alive, to feel sane, to actually feel worthwhile.

And right now, at 1AM in the morning on a Wednesday in May, I’m alone in my bed, and I cannot help but feel desolate, neglected, and so, so, so lonely.

The perfect gentleman.

you take the initiative

you kiss my hands

you carry me over broken glass

you pull out my chair

you peck my forehand

you slow dance to fast songs

you caress my hair

you look at me the way I want to be looked at

you are the possibly the sweetest, funniest, most handsome guy who has done these things for me.

and you tell me you love me.

but I’m still skeptical of everything that we have.

what did i do.

I am now officially known as the girl who is seeing the orangutan man.

Seems like everyone is mad at me.

Have I just been such a horrible human being recently?